The name of the woman in Sandro Botticelli’s masterpiece is unknown, but the people of Florence probably called her La Signorina of a Hundred Hairstyles.

I know she is hot, but I think she looks kind of snotty. That’s why I call her Lady Medusa.

To me, it looks like Lady Medusa developed a big-headed conceit after the great Botticelli asked her to sit for a portrait. All of a sudden, she was too important for a single hairstyle.

I imagine her screaming at the hair-servants, “The man who painted Venus wants to paint me. Now, give me goddess hair!”

And the hair servants tried, tried with everything they had. But it appeared nothing could satisfy Lady Medusa. Overwhelmed and afraid for the lives, the servants had no choice but to throw stuff at her head: curlers, braids, barrettes, ribbons, pearls, extensions, and a headband. There’s probably a kitchen sink buried in that mop on her head. And snakes.

After viewing her portrait, and seeing how her hair obviously needed editing, she blamed the hair servants, of course. And that’s when Lady Medusa gave them “the stare,” turning the poor people to stone. It was then she was able to scratch her name off Botticelli’s canvas without witnesses.

If we remember our history, Medusa was beheaded. Maybe that’s what happened to the nameless La Signorina of a Hundred Hairstyles. Serves her right, if you ask me.